Love is holding hands in the street.
Marriage is holding arguments in the street.
Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.
Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is talking about getting away from children.
Love is going to bed early.
Marriage is going to sleep early.
Love is losing your appetite.
Marriage is losing your figure.
Love is sweet nothing in the ear.
Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.
TV has no place in love.
Marriage is a fight for remote control.
Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.
Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!".
Conclusion: "Love is blind , Marriage is an eye opener!"
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Must read!
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered in another race and it won it also.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in any more races.
The next day the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES THE PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news,posted the following headline:
NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the high plains where it could run free.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
Alas .. the Bishop was buried the next day.
MORAL OF THE STORY???
Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life.
So, be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll live longer.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in any more races.
The next day the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES THE PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news,posted the following headline:
NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the high plains where it could run free.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
Alas .. the Bishop was buried the next day.
MORAL OF THE STORY???
Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life.
So, be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll live longer.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
4 basic types of email fwd's
I find these kinda mails very annoying and frustrating too...hope you guys also felt the same at one point or the other....:-)
Chain Letter Type 1:
Make a wish!!!
Really, go on and make one!!!
Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
wish something else!!!
Not that, you pervert!!
Is your finger getting tired yet?
STOP, DAMMIT!!!!
Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish. Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to a certain number of people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and then thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because, you know, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!!
Really!!! Here's how it goes.
Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
20 to 674, 951 1/2 people: 20 to 674, 951 1/2 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
Chain Letter Type 2
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no willie. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Willieless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Remember, we have no way of counting letters sent and this is all bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder- if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!!
Chain Letter Type 3
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible becuase there was no email then and probably not as many bitchy little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So this is how it works. Pass this on to 1-5067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:
Queer Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently recieved this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of shit, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died.This Could Happen To You!!!
Queer Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell. They continued to suffer in hell where they were both cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You!!!
Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and Bip did. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be Ok.
Chain Letter Type 4:
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends.
Friends
A friend is someone who is always at your side,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like shit,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you're disgustingly ugly,
A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself,
A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your loser life,
A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by a mad goat and then thrown to vicious dogs,
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English, no sorry that's the cleaning lady,
A friend is not someone who sends you shitty chain letters because he wants his wish of his crush sucking his schlong him to come true.
Now pass this on! If you don't, Satan will screw you in your sleep!!
There. Now that we've covered and dumped on the four main types of chain letters, onto the ironic part. In order for this to get any popularity, send it on!!! If you don't think it was funny at all, don't bother, but otherwise forward this sucker to everyone you know!! If you don't, I don't care, but why not show this around? Take two minutes and forward it. Thanks!
Remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a chain letter, ignore it. If it's a joke or something, send it, sure, but if it's gonna make people feel guilty (i.e. the willieless boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen) or nervous (i.e. Miranda Pinsley who ended up in a waterfall of shit) just delete it. Do yourself a favor, and everyone else in the world, and say "#$@!%#^! CHAIN LETTERS!!"
Chain Letter Type 1:
Make a wish!!!
Really, go on and make one!!!
Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
wish something else!!!
Not that, you pervert!!
Is your finger getting tired yet?
STOP, DAMMIT!!!!
Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish. Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to a certain number of people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and then thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because, you know, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!!
Really!!! Here's how it goes.
Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
20 to 674, 951 1/2 people: 20 to 674, 951 1/2 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
Chain Letter Type 2
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no willie. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Willieless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Remember, we have no way of counting letters sent and this is all bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder- if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!!
Chain Letter Type 3
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible becuase there was no email then and probably not as many bitchy little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So this is how it works. Pass this on to 1-5067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:
Queer Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently recieved this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of shit, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died.This Could Happen To You!!!
Queer Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell. They continued to suffer in hell where they were both cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You!!!
Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and Bip did. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be Ok.
Chain Letter Type 4:
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends.
Friends
A friend is someone who is always at your side,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like shit,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you're disgustingly ugly,
A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself,
A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your loser life,
A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by a mad goat and then thrown to vicious dogs,
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English, no sorry that's the cleaning lady,
A friend is not someone who sends you shitty chain letters because he wants his wish of his crush sucking his schlong him to come true.
Now pass this on! If you don't, Satan will screw you in your sleep!!
There. Now that we've covered and dumped on the four main types of chain letters, onto the ironic part. In order for this to get any popularity, send it on!!! If you don't think it was funny at all, don't bother, but otherwise forward this sucker to everyone you know!! If you don't, I don't care, but why not show this around? Take two minutes and forward it. Thanks!
Remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a chain letter, ignore it. If it's a joke or something, send it, sure, but if it's gonna make people feel guilty (i.e. the willieless boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen) or nervous (i.e. Miranda Pinsley who ended up in a waterfall of shit) just delete it. Do yourself a favor, and everyone else in the world, and say "#$@!%#^! CHAIN LETTERS!!"
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